Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
