If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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