Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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