Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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