so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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