She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
