Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
