I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
