I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
