I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
