I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
