How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
