Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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