I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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