i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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