Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
