Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
