so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
