She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
