Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
