Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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