Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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