Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
