I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
