Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
