dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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