i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
