If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
