Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
