Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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