I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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