Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
