I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
