I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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