I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
