Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
