p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
