The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bring money and cleavage
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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