We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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