Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
