Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
