Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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