Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
