Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
