Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My vagina is very pro this idea
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