I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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