When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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