And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
