WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
