I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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