there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
